Monday, June 16, 2014

Beer is excellent for the economy.

Economists, CEOs of companies, bankers and assorted pundits are waiting with bated breath for the first budget of the Modi government. If you are a pundit you will have opinions and if you have opinions you will not shrink from offering advice, so there is an outpouring of advice and warnings in the press. We also have some advice for the Prime Minister. Please lower taxes on drinks, especially beer. With just 4% alcohol content beer is the glass that cheers but does not inebriate. Nothing is more relaxing after a harrowing day at the office, having to deal with ignorant customers and a demanding boss, and then a slow frustrating drive home through chaotic traffic than a chilled glass of beer after a cool shower. You feel instantly relaxed. No need to snap at your missus or shout at your children to keep quiet. Some scientists believe that humans started agriculture 10,000 years ago to brew beer, not to make bread, and therefore beer is at the root of all civilisation. Although breweries advertise beer as a drink for men, and you will see men with glasses of beer at the ongoing Football World Cup, it was women who started brewing beer in the ancient world. It was mentioned in the Epic of Gilgamesh from 3500 BCE and the ancient Egyptians even had a goddess of beer, named Tenenit. It is so ancient that no one really knows who invented it but it was being commercially manufactured 3000 years ago. Take some malt, add water, throw in a handful of yeast and let nature do the work for you. When it is done strain off the liquid and bottle it. It is cheap and easy to make and the value addition is phenomenal. There is a huge demand all over the world for cheap beer so it could earn vast amounts of foreign exchange. Politicians want to add absolute alcohol to petrol to reduce our import bill. It is extremely expensive to make absolute alcohol because it needs to be distilled so energy requirement is very high, adding to pollution. It will be much more profitable to export beer and import petrol, saving time and money. Using malt to make beer will increase profits of sugarcane farmers. By raising the cost of sugar it will cut sugar from our diet which will improve health. Sugar is now recognised as the leading cause of obesity and heart disease. Indians are genetically prone to ischemic heart disease so reducing sugar intake will cut mortality and morbidity from coronary heart disease, saving vast sums of money. Doctors in the west are demanding higher taxes on sugar to reduce obesity related illnesses. So our request to the Prime Minster," Please reduce taxes on beer." It will earn dollars, improve health and make more money for farmers. People will be happier and your second term will be assured. And it is purely vegetarian. Cheers.

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